can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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