Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
