question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
