I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
