omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
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