Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
