He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
