i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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