She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
