My sheets look like a crime scene.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Randomize
