She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
