Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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