The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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