His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
