walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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