My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize