We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
