Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
