and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
i now understand why vodka
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
