I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
