She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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