I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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