I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
