i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
