Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
