smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
