I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
