just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
