End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
