Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
