I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
