Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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