Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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