I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
