The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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