Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
