her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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