Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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