i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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