why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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