his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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