ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
