wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
