Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
