Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
