Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
