hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
