yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
