So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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