its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Green mimosas i think yes
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize