Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
