just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
