the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
