Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize