My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
