My room smells like vodka and shame
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
