I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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