you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
