Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
not ubering you a puppy
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
