What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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