when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize