I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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