made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
