She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
