miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
