the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
where are you?
Hypothermia
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
