Cold hands, warm shart.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
