No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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