it hurts more in the daytime
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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