Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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