You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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