If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So vagazzling was a success
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
