everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
