She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
