What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
