I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
