How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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