We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
