too bad you live with your parents still
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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