it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize