highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
