Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
