So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
