I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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