I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
