hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
