Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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