had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
