At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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