I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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