the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you will always have a special place in my vag
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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