help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
